I was sitting at Brandon's house last night about to start some homework when I got a frantic call from my sister Tiffani. She told me that something had happened and I needed to get home as quick as I could. I knew at this instant that it was Grandpa. This was the moment I had dreaded my entire life. I somehow managed to mumble out the words "What happened?"and she calmly said that my Grandpa had fallen down the stairs outside and life-flight was on the way to my grandparents house.
I waited at Brandon's house for twenty long minutes waiting to know what hospital to go to. We were closer to the University of Utah hospital, so had he gone there it was smarter to stay and wait. Those minutes ticked by ever so slowly. Brandon's amazing mom came down in his room and comforted me until I got the call.
The rest seems like a blur. Like it wasn't even real. Just a dream.
We arrive at McKay Dee hospital and waited for out entire family to get there. Once our whole family was there the neurosurgeon came in to talk to us about my Grandpa's Cat Scan results. We didn't know what to expect at all. After he said the sentence "this is a life ending injury" the room went silent. No one expected that.
Due to the medication that my Grandpa was on, his blood doesn't clot. This prevents heart attacks and strokes but when it comes to cuts, it can get really serious because his body doesn't let him heal. When he fell, he hit his head really hard on the cement. He instantly got internal bleeding in his brain, and because of the medication he was on, he became instantly brain dead.
We had promised Grandpa we would never keep him alive if it had to be through a machine, and he would not of wanted it that way. He was a strong man and never wanted to rely on anyone but himself to stay alive. He has had a life long fear and passing away painfully, so this was a blessing in disguise.
After being assured that my Grandpa was not in any pain and had not even felt himself fall, we went in as individual families to see him. Then we went in as an entire family. His breathing tube was removed and his body allowed him to breath on his own. We then took turns kissing Grandpa goodbye and and whispering we loved him in his ear. My grandma kept saying "He is here with us, he can hear all of us." So we talked to him as if he was sleeping. The last person to say goodbye was the woman who was holding up better then all of us, my Grandma.
My Grandparents just celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary. The two of them met when my Grandma was 13 and my Grandpa was 19. Their love story is unlike any other I have ever heard, they showed deep love for each other every single day. They have the perfect fairytale. They have been inseparable their whole lives and will meet again soon.
After my Grandma kissed my Grandpa and whispered she loved him in his ear she said through small tears, "You can go now sweetheart, I'll be okay. Heavenly Father is ready for you." and moments after that he stopped breathing on his own and he was gone.
Early this morning, my role model was taken from me and returned to his home. My Grandpa was a giant impact on my life. My biological dad left my mom when she was pregnant with me and disappeared until I was about 17 years old when I chose to then seek him. In those 17 years, my Grandpa stepped up to the plate and become not only a grandfather but a father figure in my life as well. We lived with him for a short while when I was young and I still had the blessing of seeing him at least once a week ever since we moved out, 15 years ago. Our memories are irreplaceable along with our relationship. He was my best friend. I could talk to him about anything and he gave the worlds best advice, along with some sarcasm and humor. I will forever miss him. He was everything to me. I can not wait to make him proud and see him again soon. And yes Grandpa, you will always be the most important man in my life. Always. Just like I promised you eleven years ago. Rest in paradise, save me a good seat, I love you.
Special thanks to the love of my life, Brandon who has not left my side since this happened. He was with me all day when I had random break downs. He knows how to calm me down and help me cope. I could NOT of done this without him.
Thank you to everyone who has comforted me. Each and every text and call has helped me get through today. I love you all. Hug your loved ones close, because you never know what might happen.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Its true, time heals all wounds.
Anyone who says a break up was a walk in the park, or portrays it to be that way is a complete liar. The pain caused by break ups is UNREAL. It almost can't be put into words. Tear filled eyes as someone questions how your relationship fell apart, that nasty pit in your stomach that eats your appetite for you and the dreams that your ex appears in that you wish on everything you could control. Its crazy when you can be having the perfect day, then suddenly a song comes on your iPod or a street sign reminds you of somewhere the two of you went. Long story short, your mood completely shifts and your perfect day is ruined. The only description I can put on it is super glue, ex's are stuck in your head like super glue. No matter what you do to get rid of them, there they sit, like they are stuck to your brain with super glue. Its nothing but repetitive and annoying.
As I was driving to Brandon's last night, my iPod sang a song that had ALWAYS reminded me of A, always. Last night however, the situation was different. I sang along to the entire song and not ONCE did he cross my mind. I realized after the song was over that without all the heart break, all the tears and all the MISERABLE sleepless nights I had due to ridiculous arguments between the two of us, I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't demand respect and not settle for less, I wouldn't know exactly what I wanted when it comes to dating, I wouldn't know how to handle almost ever situation because I had "been there, done that" and I most likely would not be with Brandon.
Every break up I have gone through, every fight I have fought and every night full of tears I have let myself cry has formed me into who I am. It has helped me realize what I deserve and what I need in order to be happy. That being said, I owe all of the guys I have previously dated a huge apology for the horrible girl I was at those times of pure anger and rage, and also a thank you, for helping me become who I am and helping me realize all of this.
This is a huge growing stage in my life. I have a new feeling of freedom! It feels so relieving to be over someone you never in a million years thought you could be over. Do I hate him? Absolutely not. But this is what works best for both of us, no communication, no small updates. Lauren and I were discussing this the other night and she put it best when she said "Its not that I still care about him in a romantic way or love him, but that doesn't mean I want to see him or be in the same room as him, its uncomfortable." And it really is. You can be over someone, and be insanely happy but does that mean you want to be at 80's night with them? Or be at the same event? NOOO. No, it does not.
I cant express in words how amazing the feeling of all of this is. Its overwhelming but so powerful! I have felt this way for a really long time, but I have ignored anything that had to do with our relationship and shoved it in the back of my head because no one wants to think about things that make them miserable. Once the super glue wears off you take FULL ADVANTAGE of having your head free again. It took me a really long time to put all of this into words and really come to realize how much growing I had done. I needed to be a grown up, stop hating and start appreciating what I did get out of the relationship.
Where am I now? I have the worlds most INCREDIBLE man on this planet. If I could invent the perfect guy, Brandon would be 10 times better. I do not hold anything back from Brandon, and look forward to seeing him EVERY time I get to. I can fully depend on Brandon and trust him with everything, which is such a comforting feeling. I talk to Brandon about anything, I am my full self around him and am accepted for that! I can not believe how blessed I was to have met him, and to have him look my way. He has the worlds biggest heart and I am so lucky that he shares that with me!
"God bless the broken road that led me straight to you."
As I was driving to Brandon's last night, my iPod sang a song that had ALWAYS reminded me of A, always. Last night however, the situation was different. I sang along to the entire song and not ONCE did he cross my mind. I realized after the song was over that without all the heart break, all the tears and all the MISERABLE sleepless nights I had due to ridiculous arguments between the two of us, I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't demand respect and not settle for less, I wouldn't know exactly what I wanted when it comes to dating, I wouldn't know how to handle almost ever situation because I had "been there, done that" and I most likely would not be with Brandon.
Every break up I have gone through, every fight I have fought and every night full of tears I have let myself cry has formed me into who I am. It has helped me realize what I deserve and what I need in order to be happy. That being said, I owe all of the guys I have previously dated a huge apology for the horrible girl I was at those times of pure anger and rage, and also a thank you, for helping me become who I am and helping me realize all of this.
This is a huge growing stage in my life. I have a new feeling of freedom! It feels so relieving to be over someone you never in a million years thought you could be over. Do I hate him? Absolutely not. But this is what works best for both of us, no communication, no small updates. Lauren and I were discussing this the other night and she put it best when she said "Its not that I still care about him in a romantic way or love him, but that doesn't mean I want to see him or be in the same room as him, its uncomfortable." And it really is. You can be over someone, and be insanely happy but does that mean you want to be at 80's night with them? Or be at the same event? NOOO. No, it does not.
I cant express in words how amazing the feeling of all of this is. Its overwhelming but so powerful! I have felt this way for a really long time, but I have ignored anything that had to do with our relationship and shoved it in the back of my head because no one wants to think about things that make them miserable. Once the super glue wears off you take FULL ADVANTAGE of having your head free again. It took me a really long time to put all of this into words and really come to realize how much growing I had done. I needed to be a grown up, stop hating and start appreciating what I did get out of the relationship.
Where am I now? I have the worlds most INCREDIBLE man on this planet. If I could invent the perfect guy, Brandon would be 10 times better. I do not hold anything back from Brandon, and look forward to seeing him EVERY time I get to. I can fully depend on Brandon and trust him with everything, which is such a comforting feeling. I talk to Brandon about anything, I am my full self around him and am accepted for that! I can not believe how blessed I was to have met him, and to have him look my way. He has the worlds biggest heart and I am so lucky that he shares that with me!
"God bless the broken road that led me straight to you."
Monday, July 18, 2011
Outta no where.
Writing to me is insanely therapeutic, and after ran emotional week, all I want to do is write.
I spent the weekend in Park City with Brandon and his family, it was the perfect weekend! We had such a good time and were constantly smiling and laughing. What caught me off guard was Saturday night when Brandon and I were sitting by a fire at the condo we were staying at that was in some sort of court yard setting, and discussed our relationship. We talked about where we would be had we never got together, we talked about how happy were we now and how much we have changed each others lives. Then BOOM, out of NO WHERE, with absolutely no warning, I just start bawling.
Brandon has seriously changed me for the better, and for some reason picturing life without him made me so emotional. I am so content with him and where we are that even the thought of us not being together brought me to tears (which takes a lot, I'm not the typical crying type.)
I now have a greater appreciation for not only me and Brandon's relationship, but also for everyone else I associate with. Including the worlds best group of girlfriends ANYONE could ask for, the most incredible family and an amazing staff of girls I get to work with.
This weekend was an emotional eye opener, but it definitely needed to happen to put things in perspective for me.
I'm excited for school to start! Weird, I know. I have been out since the middle of April and am proud to say I am ready to just back in, 5 months is PLENTY of time to rebuild my motivation.
I'm taking medical classes this semester, which excites me even more to be FINALLY starting things I am interested in.
I have done such fun things this summer, from swimming everyday, to visiting the big apple (which is a whole other blog), to being with the girls and developing friendships with my sisters that are so great!
I also cut off ALL my hair, its a new sense of freedom. Its almost like a whole new me? I have this spunky attitude, and I love it :)
Pretty much, I'm having a ball :)
"Its not the choices we make that define us, it's the reason for making those choices"
I spent the weekend in Park City with Brandon and his family, it was the perfect weekend! We had such a good time and were constantly smiling and laughing. What caught me off guard was Saturday night when Brandon and I were sitting by a fire at the condo we were staying at that was in some sort of court yard setting, and discussed our relationship. We talked about where we would be had we never got together, we talked about how happy were we now and how much we have changed each others lives. Then BOOM, out of NO WHERE, with absolutely no warning, I just start bawling.
Brandon has seriously changed me for the better, and for some reason picturing life without him made me so emotional. I am so content with him and where we are that even the thought of us not being together brought me to tears (which takes a lot, I'm not the typical crying type.)
I now have a greater appreciation for not only me and Brandon's relationship, but also for everyone else I associate with. Including the worlds best group of girlfriends ANYONE could ask for, the most incredible family and an amazing staff of girls I get to work with.
This weekend was an emotional eye opener, but it definitely needed to happen to put things in perspective for me.
I'm excited for school to start! Weird, I know. I have been out since the middle of April and am proud to say I am ready to just back in, 5 months is PLENTY of time to rebuild my motivation.
I'm taking medical classes this semester, which excites me even more to be FINALLY starting things I am interested in.
I have done such fun things this summer, from swimming everyday, to visiting the big apple (which is a whole other blog), to being with the girls and developing friendships with my sisters that are so great!
I also cut off ALL my hair, its a new sense of freedom. Its almost like a whole new me? I have this spunky attitude, and I love it :)
Pretty much, I'm having a ball :)
"Its not the choices we make that define us, it's the reason for making those choices"
Saturday, April 16, 2011
If you'd ask me for my heart, there's no way that I'd say no.
I honestly do not recall the last time I was this happy and content with everything that surrounds me on a daily basis. :) I am so grateful for the path that I have chosen and what is beginning to unfold for me! Lauren, your idea is good and I am stealing it for this blog because I was thinking about doing something similar before I even saw it, but now I am straight up stealing it. :)
BJS: You never fail to amaze me. There are nights that I sit back and get completely lost just looking at you. I have never felt so special, I have never felt so cared for and I have never felt so stable with anything in my life. You honestly make me feel like a million dollars and it makes me realize how lucky I am to have met you. You have taught me so much about myself and proved to me that amazing guys like yourself exist. I can not even word how crazy I am about you and how much I appreciate everything you have done for me.
-I love that we understand each other, the chemistry between us is unreal.
-I love that our arguments (which are few) are no longer then 10 minutes and end is bear hugs and cuddle sessions.
-I love how I can be my complete self around you and know for a fact you aren't judging me.
-I love our jam sessions to random music.
-I love that you understand me, it seems to be a difficult task for most.
-I love that we can lay there and talk for hours about everything.
-I love how secure I feel in your arms.
-I love that you can make me smile, no matter what.
-I love that you don't have a mean bone in your body.
-I love that you do not care what anyone thinks, (like picking up tampons for your little sisters at the store when your by yourself.)
-I love how comfortable I am with you.
-I love the cute surprises you do for me, they always make me so happy.
-I love our inside jokes.
-I love that you watch Disney movies with me and laugh at all the little kid parts with me.
-I love that my entire family adores you and that you have made a huge effort to be apart of everything we do.
-I love that I threw up in front of you while you held the garbage and told you things I shouldn't, completely doped up on medicine from the dentist, and you still did not leave my side for two days straight to take care of me.
-I love that I don't have to wear make up, can be straight out of the shower or completely dolled up and it never seems to make a difference to you.
-I love that you claim me in public and hold my hand.
-I love that you open my door for me, I have never dated someone who does that.
-I love that you are ambitious and that you work so hard in everything that you do.
-I love watching you coach your team.
-I love that you are amazing with little kids.
-I love that your family is so welcoming and has made me feel like I am part of it.
-I love that I cant sleep when your not there, it makes me miss you.
-I love that we can chow down on big macs side by side.
-I love the laugh attacks we have at 2 in the morning over absolutely nothing.
-I love that you are patient.
-I love your friends, they are incredible people.
-I love everything about us, I love where we are and I love where we are going <3
I am more then excited to have all of my ladies home for the summer. I cant wait for the girls nights, going dancing, doing random things that we tend to wrap ourselves up in and the new "drives up to Logan!" to see two of our best friends that will be staying there for the summer! I am so excited to start having free time to see Amy, Kayla and Taylor more also! It will be so nice!
School kicked my butt this semester, but I am just happy it is over. I'm terrified to check my grades, but at the same time, I just stopped caring... at midterm. Hahah. I have one more final on Tuesday and then I am home free for five months!
I am happy to be working so much and making money, I am grateful I actually have a job! My hours are flexible and I absolutely LOVE everyone that I work with! We have recently added a boutique section to our salon, and so I am also spending loads of money on new products, but its cute and reasonably priced, so I dig it! :)
I have the worlds greatest family. My mom was once again in the hospital this week over an allergic reaction, (she seems to love having them) but every time something happens like that within our family, I realize how strong we are when we come together. I love them all so much!
The weather is beautiful today, school is so close to ending, I have the worlds greatest guy, friends and family. Life could not be better! <3
XoXo
Friday, March 11, 2011
I bleed my heart out on this paper, for you.
My biggest realization as of lately is life is all about choices.
Your best friend can tell you something that breaks your heart, you can hear something you didn't want to know that does nothing for you but cause tears to roll down your face, you can have a conflict with a parent of whom you are forced to love regardless of what they do or say to you or you can realize no matter what you do, there is always that one person you can never get out of your head.
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Right..? People are going to hurt you. You think you have cried now? You have a whole life ahead of you. You will love and loose, you will fight and scream, you will have days where you literally do not want to get out of bed because facing the day is so difficult. I hate that part of life.
I know, your thinking, "Wow Crystal. Way to be optimistic." If you have even made it to this part of this depressing blog.
I am optimistic. Optimistic in the way that I know whatever happens to me, whatever comes from this crazy adolescence I struggle with from time to time, it is going to make me strong. I will be strong, I will be confident and I will be happy in the end. The road gets curvy, bumpy and sometimes it is just straight and boring, but its all about the ride and who you invite to sit shotgun.
Its been a hard few weeks. School is killing me, literally dragging me through the city by my ankles. I am crazy emotional and sensitive and I'm just straight up unmotivated. I need the summer, badly. Finally, the weather in Utah is brightening up and becoming T-shirt friendly. It is just what I needed to get out of this slump of bitterness.
I have had to pull up my big girl panties and deal with everything in silence and it has truly made me a stronger person. There are times I have to bit my tongue, cry by myself, go for a drive to calm down and blast some music. Feeling like I have no where to turn is hard. I have the best friends in the world that I know I can turn to at any time, but wording exactly how I feel? Completely impossible. I wish I could express it, but I cant. I wish it could be more simple.
To the BSF: My eyes have been opened as to much each and every one of you means to me, I can not wait until we are reunited. Summer days at the pool, summer nights spent dancing, chilling out and sleeping outside. I love you all more then you will ever realize, you have all made such a difference in my life. I appreciate everything you guys do for me.
To my family and Chelsey: You guys have put up with a lot of crap of mine as of lately and I have two words for you, I'm sorry. I have been such a beast to be around. Things can only go up from here. I promise to be better and show you all the respect you deserve. I love you all endlessly.
To him: You have no idea I am upset with you and I realize that it is unfair. You have no idea what I just heard and how my stomach literally feels like it might explode. I hope everything you have told me thus far is true and that this little thing that really isn't a big deal doesn't affect everything we have been working towards. I have given you everything I can, this is me, I need to know that you accept that. I know that you will never read this blog, nor would I want you to, but for some reason typing all of this out has made me feel a lot better.
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. One step at a time."
XoXoXo.
Your best friend can tell you something that breaks your heart, you can hear something you didn't want to know that does nothing for you but cause tears to roll down your face, you can have a conflict with a parent of whom you are forced to love regardless of what they do or say to you or you can realize no matter what you do, there is always that one person you can never get out of your head.
"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Right..? People are going to hurt you. You think you have cried now? You have a whole life ahead of you. You will love and loose, you will fight and scream, you will have days where you literally do not want to get out of bed because facing the day is so difficult. I hate that part of life.
I know, your thinking, "Wow Crystal. Way to be optimistic." If you have even made it to this part of this depressing blog.
I am optimistic. Optimistic in the way that I know whatever happens to me, whatever comes from this crazy adolescence I struggle with from time to time, it is going to make me strong. I will be strong, I will be confident and I will be happy in the end. The road gets curvy, bumpy and sometimes it is just straight and boring, but its all about the ride and who you invite to sit shotgun.
Its been a hard few weeks. School is killing me, literally dragging me through the city by my ankles. I am crazy emotional and sensitive and I'm just straight up unmotivated. I need the summer, badly. Finally, the weather in Utah is brightening up and becoming T-shirt friendly. It is just what I needed to get out of this slump of bitterness.
I have had to pull up my big girl panties and deal with everything in silence and it has truly made me a stronger person. There are times I have to bit my tongue, cry by myself, go for a drive to calm down and blast some music. Feeling like I have no where to turn is hard. I have the best friends in the world that I know I can turn to at any time, but wording exactly how I feel? Completely impossible. I wish I could express it, but I cant. I wish it could be more simple.
To the BSF: My eyes have been opened as to much each and every one of you means to me, I can not wait until we are reunited. Summer days at the pool, summer nights spent dancing, chilling out and sleeping outside. I love you all more then you will ever realize, you have all made such a difference in my life. I appreciate everything you guys do for me.
To my family and Chelsey: You guys have put up with a lot of crap of mine as of lately and I have two words for you, I'm sorry. I have been such a beast to be around. Things can only go up from here. I promise to be better and show you all the respect you deserve. I love you all endlessly.
To him: You have no idea I am upset with you and I realize that it is unfair. You have no idea what I just heard and how my stomach literally feels like it might explode. I hope everything you have told me thus far is true and that this little thing that really isn't a big deal doesn't affect everything we have been working towards. I have given you everything I can, this is me, I need to know that you accept that. I know that you will never read this blog, nor would I want you to, but for some reason typing all of this out has made me feel a lot better.
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. One step at a time."
XoXoXo.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Welcome to my silly life..
So, it has beeen a while. Since December to be exact! Im gonna break this all down into catagories so I dont leave anything out, prepare yourself! :)
School: Literally kicking my ass. I am only taking 16 credit hours, but I honestly have never been so overwhelmed. I find myself constantly asking myself what productive thing I should be doing over hanging out. It is really tough. Although, I am loving my classes, it is a lot of work. A lot harder then my first semester.
Work: Is INSANE! Who would of thought that tanning is so popular in the FREEZING utah weather? Well, it is quite the hot spot. Semi annoying. I used to be able to do school work and relax at work, that is no longer the case!
Da love: A and I are working on a friendship currently. Its failing. You cannot be friends after dating for 3 years. Trust me, I am aware. I have never been so scared of loosing someone permanently in my life, until now. I can not imagine it, but I need to suck it up and remind myself there is a reason for all of this and it just needs to be done.
I have a new intrest :) I didn't think it would happen at all, or at least not for a really long time. I refuse to fight it, I am going with the flow and I am incredibly happy! I have never felt so compatable with someone so fast, I love it! :)
Hauuuur: Is gone! I have removed the extensions. They are hard to keep up on, constantly itchy and I missed being able to wash ALL my hair at once. My real hair has grown almost completely out of the awkward stage, it doesnt look bad. I like the change! :)
Chelsey: Has been asked to move out by her parents, and is moving in with us! I havent had to share my space with anyone for six years, so I am nervous but at the same time pretty excited to have her! My favorite thing about our friendship is when we are bugging each other we have no problem telling each other "dude.. your bugging." I think that alone is vital when living together, so it will be an adventure for sure! Im excited! :)
Life as I know it: Life is definitely moving insanely fast! I cant believe it. I miss the old days, yet look forward to what is to come!
BS: I miss each and every one of you, I constantly stalk your facebooks and try to keep up with small texts here and there! Im trying! I love you all so much! :) I look forward to seeing you guys!! I am always telling people about my hot best friends from highschool, especially my friend that puts out for both boys AND girls, Kfed! ;)
XoXoXo
School: Literally kicking my ass. I am only taking 16 credit hours, but I honestly have never been so overwhelmed. I find myself constantly asking myself what productive thing I should be doing over hanging out. It is really tough. Although, I am loving my classes, it is a lot of work. A lot harder then my first semester.
Work: Is INSANE! Who would of thought that tanning is so popular in the FREEZING utah weather? Well, it is quite the hot spot. Semi annoying. I used to be able to do school work and relax at work, that is no longer the case!
Da love: A and I are working on a friendship currently. Its failing. You cannot be friends after dating for 3 years. Trust me, I am aware. I have never been so scared of loosing someone permanently in my life, until now. I can not imagine it, but I need to suck it up and remind myself there is a reason for all of this and it just needs to be done.
I have a new intrest :) I didn't think it would happen at all, or at least not for a really long time. I refuse to fight it, I am going with the flow and I am incredibly happy! I have never felt so compatable with someone so fast, I love it! :)
Hauuuur: Is gone! I have removed the extensions. They are hard to keep up on, constantly itchy and I missed being able to wash ALL my hair at once. My real hair has grown almost completely out of the awkward stage, it doesnt look bad. I like the change! :)
Chelsey: Has been asked to move out by her parents, and is moving in with us! I havent had to share my space with anyone for six years, so I am nervous but at the same time pretty excited to have her! My favorite thing about our friendship is when we are bugging each other we have no problem telling each other "dude.. your bugging." I think that alone is vital when living together, so it will be an adventure for sure! Im excited! :)
Life as I know it: Life is definitely moving insanely fast! I cant believe it. I miss the old days, yet look forward to what is to come!
BS: I miss each and every one of you, I constantly stalk your facebooks and try to keep up with small texts here and there! Im trying! I love you all so much! :) I look forward to seeing you guys!! I am always telling people about my hot best friends from highschool, especially my friend that puts out for both boys AND girls, Kfed! ;)
XoXoXo
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The good, the bad and the ugly.
I don't even know how to begin this blog, (I guess that was a really lame way) BUT I want to start off by saying I'm happy and confident in the decision that I made.
Do I hate him? Absolutely not. There are things about him that will always have my heart, pieces of him I will miss forever and parts of him I will always love. What it all comes down to in the end is, people change. When the bad outweighs the good, it is important to get rid of it. I have spent the last year trying to get back to a point in our relationship we had both grown out of. Arguing all the time and going days without talking for the sake of not risking an argument is ridiculous, and that was a sign something was seriously wrong with out relationship. I lived my life around his schedule. Not that he asked me to, he would never, regardless, I did. It was important to me to see him frequently, even if we fought. I wasn't happy arguing constantly, his friends didn't like me, mine didn't like him, things came up, school got in the way and it was nearly impossible to make everything work out. I knew it was going to be hard when I made the choice I did, I knew the consequences I was going to have to deal with because this isn't the first time it has happened, although this is the first time it was for real.
I am forcing myself to have a positive outlook on the entire situation, a learning experience. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I learned a lot about myself while in a long term relationship. I learned things that I like about a guy, things I could live without, things that I wouldn't take for granted and things that just do not fly with me. So in the future I have some sort of idea of what I am looking for.
Our relationship wasn't all bad, AT ALL. I wouldn't of stayed around for so long had it been. I don't have negative feelings toward him or the amazing relationship we shared. I honestly hope that he finds happiness soon and finds a girl who can fit his glove a lot better then I did. I want him to be happy, I want to be happy, and I love him enough that if we have to be separated in order for that to happen, then it is needed.
He wasn't just a boyfriend, he was a best friend. I think that is the hardest part of the process. I cant pick up my phone and call him when I see something funny, find something that reminds me of him or have a question only he would know the answer too. Time heals all wounds, and I know it will all be okay in the end. The first night is always brutal, but as time goes on, it will get easier, I know that.
I get to fall in love all over again! I get to date, see what is out there, explore the world with no limits, take off to VEGAS if I want too. I'm free to do what I want to do. My biggest hope is I can learn to love myself, and be happy and content with just myself. When I reach that point, I'll know I'm ready to get back out there. Although starting over with someone new is a terrifying thought, when I'm ready, it will be wondrous. I need to keep my eyes on the future, and not focus on the past. Everyday is something beautiful and is full of opportunity, I need to learn to grasp those and take advantage of them.
XoXo.
"Your ALAWAYS to young to think it will NEVER be okay."
Do I hate him? Absolutely not. There are things about him that will always have my heart, pieces of him I will miss forever and parts of him I will always love. What it all comes down to in the end is, people change. When the bad outweighs the good, it is important to get rid of it. I have spent the last year trying to get back to a point in our relationship we had both grown out of. Arguing all the time and going days without talking for the sake of not risking an argument is ridiculous, and that was a sign something was seriously wrong with out relationship. I lived my life around his schedule. Not that he asked me to, he would never, regardless, I did. It was important to me to see him frequently, even if we fought. I wasn't happy arguing constantly, his friends didn't like me, mine didn't like him, things came up, school got in the way and it was nearly impossible to make everything work out. I knew it was going to be hard when I made the choice I did, I knew the consequences I was going to have to deal with because this isn't the first time it has happened, although this is the first time it was for real.
I am forcing myself to have a positive outlook on the entire situation, a learning experience. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I learned a lot about myself while in a long term relationship. I learned things that I like about a guy, things I could live without, things that I wouldn't take for granted and things that just do not fly with me. So in the future I have some sort of idea of what I am looking for.
Our relationship wasn't all bad, AT ALL. I wouldn't of stayed around for so long had it been. I don't have negative feelings toward him or the amazing relationship we shared. I honestly hope that he finds happiness soon and finds a girl who can fit his glove a lot better then I did. I want him to be happy, I want to be happy, and I love him enough that if we have to be separated in order for that to happen, then it is needed.
He wasn't just a boyfriend, he was a best friend. I think that is the hardest part of the process. I cant pick up my phone and call him when I see something funny, find something that reminds me of him or have a question only he would know the answer too. Time heals all wounds, and I know it will all be okay in the end. The first night is always brutal, but as time goes on, it will get easier, I know that.
I get to fall in love all over again! I get to date, see what is out there, explore the world with no limits, take off to VEGAS if I want too. I'm free to do what I want to do. My biggest hope is I can learn to love myself, and be happy and content with just myself. When I reach that point, I'll know I'm ready to get back out there. Although starting over with someone new is a terrifying thought, when I'm ready, it will be wondrous. I need to keep my eyes on the future, and not focus on the past. Everyday is something beautiful and is full of opportunity, I need to learn to grasp those and take advantage of them.
XoXo.
"Your ALAWAYS to young to think it will NEVER be okay."
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I don't even know what to call this?
I haven't updated in quite sometime, so I thought I would fill everyone in on this not so exciting life I live! :)
REGISTRATION: I am fully registered for next semester! Thank goodness! It took me 6 hours of reasearch on Ratemyprofessor.com (BEST SITE EVER) to put together a schedule with good professors, but its done and I did it! YAY! My classes look a little something like this, in the event you feel the need to stalk me.
M:
Human Bio: 9:30- 10:30
Philosophy: 10:30 - 11:20
Math: 12:30 - 1:30
WF:
Human Bio
Phillosophy
T:
English: 10:30 - 11:45
Nutrition: 12:00 - 1:15
R:
English
Nutrition
Music: 5:30 - 8:30 PM
FML, I know. But the most exciting part is.. given the fact that I pass all of these classes and don't end up having to drop one (Im worried about human bio and nutrition in the same semester) I WILL HAVE MY ASSOCAITES DEGREE! :D (give her take a semester of electives, but Im still CRAZY close!)
That I feel very happy about :D
Now deciding what to do with my life is a WHOLE different story!
DEPRESSION: I honestly think Im gonna hit it if I have to deal with this weather any longer! If its gonna be freezing effing cold, it might as well snow and be sunny and pretty outside, because looking at dead grass, trees and gray clouds ALL day is getting rather depressing, IM OVER IT UTAH! Come on now!
BIRFDAY: As far as everything else goes, I just wanna throw a shout out to my mom :) Its her 50th birthday on the 24th and she is way depressed about it. We are gonna do a combo night for both our birthdays the night of hers and make it a happy day! She really is the worlds greatest mom and I have NO IDEA where I would be in this world without her! She is the best thing to happen to me, and irreplaceable! I used to make sure that we did two seperate celebrations when I was younger because I didnt wanna have to share my special day (I WAS SUCH A BRAT) but now Im honored to have a close birthday with her. Ps, Ill be 19, weird right? yehhh I know.
I love you all, Christmas is coming :)
REGISTRATION: I am fully registered for next semester! Thank goodness! It took me 6 hours of reasearch on Ratemyprofessor.com (BEST SITE EVER) to put together a schedule with good professors, but its done and I did it! YAY! My classes look a little something like this, in the event you feel the need to stalk me.
M:
Human Bio: 9:30- 10:30
Philosophy: 10:30 - 11:20
Math: 12:30 - 1:30
WF:
Human Bio
Phillosophy
T:
English: 10:30 - 11:45
Nutrition: 12:00 - 1:15
R:
English
Nutrition
Music: 5:30 - 8:30 PM
FML, I know. But the most exciting part is.. given the fact that I pass all of these classes and don't end up having to drop one (Im worried about human bio and nutrition in the same semester) I WILL HAVE MY ASSOCAITES DEGREE! :D (give her take a semester of electives, but Im still CRAZY close!)
That I feel very happy about :D
Now deciding what to do with my life is a WHOLE different story!
DEPRESSION: I honestly think Im gonna hit it if I have to deal with this weather any longer! If its gonna be freezing effing cold, it might as well snow and be sunny and pretty outside, because looking at dead grass, trees and gray clouds ALL day is getting rather depressing, IM OVER IT UTAH! Come on now!
BIRFDAY: As far as everything else goes, I just wanna throw a shout out to my mom :) Its her 50th birthday on the 24th and she is way depressed about it. We are gonna do a combo night for both our birthdays the night of hers and make it a happy day! She really is the worlds greatest mom and I have NO IDEA where I would be in this world without her! She is the best thing to happen to me, and irreplaceable! I used to make sure that we did two seperate celebrations when I was younger because I didnt wanna have to share my special day (I WAS SUCH A BRAT) but now Im honored to have a close birthday with her. Ps, Ill be 19, weird right? yehhh I know.
I love you all, Christmas is coming :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Couldn't be happier :)
I have been doing a lot of self discovery since college started and it has really caught me off guard. I have a new foundation of confidence and it is helping me so much in being truly happy. I am confident that I can get through anything, that I can do anything I set my mind to, that I can stay positive given any situation. It really has helped me have SUCH a better outlook on every aspect of my life, and helped me realize how truely grateful I am for the things around me. I am convinced I havent been this TRULY happy, ever! Its a great feeling! :)
NEW FRIGGIN HAMPSHIRE: Seriously, best weekend of my life! It was such a blast to see Lauren again and get to see the everyday things that she does up at her school. Her campus is GORGEOUS and so is all the surrounding cities. Its a completely different lifestyle out there, I had never had to abide by a bus schedule or a time restraight, but up there I did, it just opened my eyes how city people lived and it was actually really, really intresting! I love Lauren SO much and was so glad I had the oppurtuiny to go see her! :) It was nothing but a GOOD TIME! :) It just makes me THAT more excited for christmas :) Yay!
DA BOYZ: Alex is the main man, :) and I love it! Things are better then they have ever been, he had a lot to prove, and he did it. I wish I could explain it to you in the deepth I want to, but you wouldn't understand if I did. All I have to say is he said things I thought would never come out of his mouth and did things I never thought he would to make things right, he proved to me he does infact care and want to be apart of my life, which is all I wanted :) Of course I made it hell and back for him.. but thats just my bitchyness coming out :)
THE ACCIDENT: Yeahh, Alex wrecked his motorcycle. Riding in the rain = REALLY DUMB IDEA (I thought that was a duh situation, apprenely I was wrong) He was really lucky to only walk away with what he did though. Kori, dont finish reading this paragraph! Alex hit the ground hard, pretty much grinded off his entire ankle bone on one side of his foot and cut the other side REALLY bad. He also has roadrash all over his body. It was really hard for me to see him in pain because he hides so many of his emotions, but I stayed strong and pepped talked him through his stiches until I myself almost passed out. He is really lucky to walk away with minor injuries, although he will be on crutches for the next few weeks because his foot is the size of a water melon. Poor guy. I thought I would share with you guys an awkward conversation I had at the hospital!
Receptionist: Are you immediate family?
Me: Uhm... well.. YES yes I am, Im his sister! :)
Receptionist rolls his eyes and walks me back to the room.
Doctor: So this is your family I see?
*Lets go of alex's hand real fast*
Doctor: You guys must be... CLOSE siblings.
ZE HOWL: Was a BLAST! I kept loosing EVERYONE, but I still had a good time because I kept running into people I knew. Alex didn't end up going because he had crashed just a few hours before, but he insisted that I still go and have a good time, so I did, and it was a BLAST! I was worried about him, but I kept that in the back of my mind for the most part and partied :)
SCHOOL AND WORK: Crazy busy! School is INSANE and work is INSANE! I am working a lot more now that one of the girls left because she is having a baby, which is nice, but is getting crazy!
I hope all is well, I love and miss all of you! :) XoXo
NEW FRIGGIN HAMPSHIRE: Seriously, best weekend of my life! It was such a blast to see Lauren again and get to see the everyday things that she does up at her school. Her campus is GORGEOUS and so is all the surrounding cities. Its a completely different lifestyle out there, I had never had to abide by a bus schedule or a time restraight, but up there I did, it just opened my eyes how city people lived and it was actually really, really intresting! I love Lauren SO much and was so glad I had the oppurtuiny to go see her! :) It was nothing but a GOOD TIME! :) It just makes me THAT more excited for christmas :) Yay!
DA BOYZ: Alex is the main man, :) and I love it! Things are better then they have ever been, he had a lot to prove, and he did it. I wish I could explain it to you in the deepth I want to, but you wouldn't understand if I did. All I have to say is he said things I thought would never come out of his mouth and did things I never thought he would to make things right, he proved to me he does infact care and want to be apart of my life, which is all I wanted :) Of course I made it hell and back for him.. but thats just my bitchyness coming out :)
THE ACCIDENT: Yeahh, Alex wrecked his motorcycle. Riding in the rain = REALLY DUMB IDEA (I thought that was a duh situation, apprenely I was wrong) He was really lucky to only walk away with what he did though. Kori, dont finish reading this paragraph! Alex hit the ground hard, pretty much grinded off his entire ankle bone on one side of his foot and cut the other side REALLY bad. He also has roadrash all over his body. It was really hard for me to see him in pain because he hides so many of his emotions, but I stayed strong and pepped talked him through his stiches until I myself almost passed out. He is really lucky to walk away with minor injuries, although he will be on crutches for the next few weeks because his foot is the size of a water melon. Poor guy. I thought I would share with you guys an awkward conversation I had at the hospital!
Receptionist: Are you immediate family?
Me: Uhm... well.. YES yes I am, Im his sister! :)
Receptionist rolls his eyes and walks me back to the room.
Doctor: So this is your family I see?
*Lets go of alex's hand real fast*
Doctor: You guys must be... CLOSE siblings.
ZE HOWL: Was a BLAST! I kept loosing EVERYONE, but I still had a good time because I kept running into people I knew. Alex didn't end up going because he had crashed just a few hours before, but he insisted that I still go and have a good time, so I did, and it was a BLAST! I was worried about him, but I kept that in the back of my mind for the most part and partied :)
SCHOOL AND WORK: Crazy busy! School is INSANE and work is INSANE! I am working a lot more now that one of the girls left because she is having a baby, which is nice, but is getting crazy!
I hope all is well, I love and miss all of you! :) XoXo
Monday, October 18, 2010
Fall break :)
Wednesday: Sick to my STOMACH. Laid around all day, no I didn't go to my classes, and seriously laid there ALL day long. It was MISERABLE! Thankfully, by Thursday it was gone!
Thursday: I FINISHED MY 950 MATH CLASS! Woo!! This is a huge accomplishment for me! Although, I was stuck in "the hub" (computer lab where there are tutors and supervisors to make sure you aren't cheating on tests or see if you need help with anything) for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS, therefore, I was in no mood to really do anything that required any kind of strength on my part afterwards. At about 11, as I was laying in pure darkness in my room like a depressed fool, Chelsey comes BARGING in my room and declares we are doing something. So we rounded up Alex and Adam and went to the corn maze, which surprisingly led to a really fun night! Afterwards, we went to Alex's house and watched "The human Centipede" DON'T EVER WATCH IT. Seriously, the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen!
Friday: Worked :( But after I went to Nightmare on 13th! Which was pretty fun, not as good as the corn maze haunted wise, but it was still a blast to get out and have some fun! Spence and Casey came, it had been a while since I had seen them! It was fun :) Ended early, but still good!
Saturday: I worked AGAIN. (I'm being punished for taking 5 days off the following week) After work. I headed down to Alex's dorms for the night! I just hung out with him and his roommates and he put Word 11 on my laptop (its not even out yet, pro to dating a computer GEEK!) and then we watched Get him to the Greek, which got boring fast, had a nice little mack sesssshh, which was good, it had been a while :) I know you guys don't care, but things are REALLY amazing with us for once in a long time, and I am fully enjoying every minute of it!
Sunday: I did all the homework I had put off, caught up on some sleep, did some cleaning, some laundry and of course, watched Jersey Shore. Over all, fall break was real nice to me! :)
I always update at work, that's why my blog is not full of pictures and exciting things!
UNH IN 3 DAYS!!!!! Its all I can think about!! It hasn't hit me I get to see Lauren so soon, and I'm going to be able to see all these places she tells me about! Its crazy.. honestly, I'm so SCARED of flying, but once I'm on the plane, all is well and off I go!
On a more personal note: I'm doing a lot of self discovery lately. The more time I spend alone, the more I realize what I want to do with the rest of my life, and WHO I want to be. It is a good feeling to feel like I'm FINALLY figuring out things I have questioned for so long. Especially when it comes to Jan (dad shows FAR to much respect, so if you were curious, that's his name), things are finally I falling into place, I'm realizing why things have happened to me and how they helped make me who I am. Instead of having a negative outlook on them, I'm veiwing them as obstacles that weren't necessarily fair (but that's life) but I learned from them, meaning something good came from them, helping me move forward with my life. I want to be the best I can be for ME, and that doesn't require some of the things I thought it did before, I'm happy and I like where I'm going. In other words, LIFE IS GOOD! :)
BS: I miss ALL of you SO much! Im trying to see everyone as much as I can, although work and planning is hard.. Kori, Bree and Amy: Im coming up in a few weeks and we are doing dinner, and chilling, and sleepover and yeah, KAPEASH?! Ldawg: I SEE YOU IN 3 DAYS!!!! 3 DAYS1!! Mando: Your next on my hit list, checking my calanders! Little 12 hour drive never hurt anyone! :) Love you all SO SO MUCH!
Ps, I still break out the mexican accent every now and again, it will never die :)
Thursday: I FINISHED MY 950 MATH CLASS! Woo!! This is a huge accomplishment for me! Although, I was stuck in "the hub" (computer lab where there are tutors and supervisors to make sure you aren't cheating on tests or see if you need help with anything) for FIVE AND A HALF HOURS, therefore, I was in no mood to really do anything that required any kind of strength on my part afterwards. At about 11, as I was laying in pure darkness in my room like a depressed fool, Chelsey comes BARGING in my room and declares we are doing something. So we rounded up Alex and Adam and went to the corn maze, which surprisingly led to a really fun night! Afterwards, we went to Alex's house and watched "The human Centipede" DON'T EVER WATCH IT. Seriously, the most disgusting thing I have EVER seen!
Friday: Worked :( But after I went to Nightmare on 13th! Which was pretty fun, not as good as the corn maze haunted wise, but it was still a blast to get out and have some fun! Spence and Casey came, it had been a while since I had seen them! It was fun :) Ended early, but still good!
Saturday: I worked AGAIN. (I'm being punished for taking 5 days off the following week) After work. I headed down to Alex's dorms for the night! I just hung out with him and his roommates and he put Word 11 on my laptop (its not even out yet, pro to dating a computer GEEK!) and then we watched Get him to the Greek, which got boring fast, had a nice little mack sesssshh, which was good, it had been a while :) I know you guys don't care, but things are REALLY amazing with us for once in a long time, and I am fully enjoying every minute of it!
Sunday: I did all the homework I had put off, caught up on some sleep, did some cleaning, some laundry and of course, watched Jersey Shore. Over all, fall break was real nice to me! :)
I always update at work, that's why my blog is not full of pictures and exciting things!
UNH IN 3 DAYS!!!!! Its all I can think about!! It hasn't hit me I get to see Lauren so soon, and I'm going to be able to see all these places she tells me about! Its crazy.. honestly, I'm so SCARED of flying, but once I'm on the plane, all is well and off I go!
On a more personal note: I'm doing a lot of self discovery lately. The more time I spend alone, the more I realize what I want to do with the rest of my life, and WHO I want to be. It is a good feeling to feel like I'm FINALLY figuring out things I have questioned for so long. Especially when it comes to Jan (dad shows FAR to much respect, so if you were curious, that's his name), things are finally I falling into place, I'm realizing why things have happened to me and how they helped make me who I am. Instead of having a negative outlook on them, I'm veiwing them as obstacles that weren't necessarily fair (but that's life) but I learned from them, meaning something good came from them, helping me move forward with my life. I want to be the best I can be for ME, and that doesn't require some of the things I thought it did before, I'm happy and I like where I'm going. In other words, LIFE IS GOOD! :)
BS: I miss ALL of you SO much! Im trying to see everyone as much as I can, although work and planning is hard.. Kori, Bree and Amy: Im coming up in a few weeks and we are doing dinner, and chilling, and sleepover and yeah, KAPEASH?! Ldawg: I SEE YOU IN 3 DAYS!!!! 3 DAYS1!! Mando: Your next on my hit list, checking my calanders! Little 12 hour drive never hurt anyone! :) Love you all SO SO MUCH!
Ps, I still break out the mexican accent every now and again, it will never die :)
Thursday, October 7, 2010
just a little something. :)
Here's a rather large update so prepare yourself!
College: I'm doing well in my classes (EVEN ATTENDANCE), I'm almost done with my 950 math class, its all self pace and most students are on module 3, (each module has 5 sections and a quiz) I'm on module NINE out of ten! So rather then waiting until next semester to start 960, I'm just going to start this semester and its FREE! As far as my other classes, everything is going good and I'm staying on top of things. My theory is this, if you stay on top of things, college is far from overwhelming! Reading ahead, submitting assignments early, actually studying ECT.
WORK: As far as work goes, I'm only working twice a week and can do my homework at work, so it really is just a giant study seshhh for me, which is productive and good!
SCARIEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE: If you follow me on Facebook, you would know my mom was in the hospital Tuesday night. She had some really bad chest pains and took herself to the ER after work. They ended up driving her across the street in an ambulance to the hospital and keeping her over night. They thought it was a high chance she may have HAD a minor heart attack and that there would be later repercussions. Heart disease runs in my family and has always been a very tramatic experiance for us, so hearing she was in the hospital crushed me and the worst part was, I was stuck at work until 10. Luckily, Chelsey came in and just sat with me and chatted with me to keep me distracted. Anyway, Rachel, Tiffani and I stayed with her for all hours of the night, just talking and making the most of a really scary situation. In the time that we were there, she got her blood drawn every hour, at least three shots an hour and her vitals were checked every 15 minutes. My mom kept saying she was "fine and felt like she could go the gym" but with how serious and frantic the nurses were, you could tell it was a lot more serious then that. After a long night, she was tested all day the next day on muliple levels of stress and endurance, and was FINALLY released at 6PM Wednesday night. She wasnt aloud to go to work Thursday or Friday, but is able to return Monday. She was told to exercise regularly and eat Cheeroes :) It shocked me how emtional I was over her being in the hospital. She was so strong and I was so proud of her for trying to make light of the situation, but she is all I have. Loosing her would be the end of my world, so it was a definite eye opener. Our bishop came and gave her a blessing that night, as much as I am stuck and confused on the aspect of religion as of lately, anything helped, and I was really appreciative with the comfort I was given after hearing the blessing. Whatever it was, it was amazing and helped all four of us calm down. She is back to normal and was doing dishes this morning, we laid around with the dogs all morning and watched Teen Mom and a few movies on On Demand in her bed. Its mornings like today that make me realize how much she truely means to me. We made a commitment to go to the gym TOGETHER at LEAST 3 times a week (which is the usual to me as of college) but she needs all the motivation she can get and Im more then happy to do what I can to make sure she stays healthy and alive, FOREVA! :)
Random: On a happier note, I have been branching out a little here and there! Me and Chelsey attended a party this weekend at a complete strangers house, and DOMINATED in beer pong! Chelsey drank for me, and I drove, so in the end everyone was happy! You'd think it would be awkward but between me and Chelsey that doesnt exisit and we were comfortable really quick! We also attended the Alumni game at good old Northridge, we lost in overtime and I blame the WEAK SAUCE they call a student section, PSH. 2010 was where its at, case closed!
I go to UNH in TWO WEEKS! Words DO NOT express how excited I am! I can't wait to go on a trip all by MYSELF and go see Lauren!! It will be a new adventure, all in one! Woo!
THE DAILY: Im still learning to cook! Which is actually really satisfying and neat, I love it! I am attending Zumba with Tiffani at least twice a week, and going to the gym by myself at least twice a week, the front desk now has my name memorized! :) Makes me feel productive! My sisters and I have a whole new friendship now that I am in college, not that we didnt before, but it has increased lately. We hang out together non-stop, watch random shows on TV and hover over our laptops looking up stupid YouTube videos, walk the dogs and just do random things together, (Ulta runs have been the main fav lately) its really fun and Im really enjoying it, I didnt realize they were so cool.. :) Hahah jk jk.
OCTOBER: I LOVE OCTOBER!! Haunted houses up the yangggg, scary movies, carving pumkins. halloween costumes and of course, THE HOWL! Wooooo!!
LIGHTBULB: Okay, okay, specific to the BS here, just an IDEA, but its a good one :) Two weekends ago Brandon Reese rented out the Vault in Ogden for his birthday and invited EVERYONE! IT WAS SICKK! Basically, a huge dance room, with lots of people! So just an idea, if anyone is intrested in everyone pitching in and throwing us a HUGE ASS DANCE PARTY when everyone returns from college for Christmas break?? Brandon said it was pretty cheap and I could look into it if everyone is intrested, because what better way to celebrate? We could invite anyone and EVERYONE and it could be a huge success if planned accordingly :)
This is insanely long to the point I had to label everything, so thats all for now, I miss and love all of you :)
Ps, it wont let me spellcheck, so sorry for the misspelled words :)
College: I'm doing well in my classes (EVEN ATTENDANCE), I'm almost done with my 950 math class, its all self pace and most students are on module 3, (each module has 5 sections and a quiz) I'm on module NINE out of ten! So rather then waiting until next semester to start 960, I'm just going to start this semester and its FREE! As far as my other classes, everything is going good and I'm staying on top of things. My theory is this, if you stay on top of things, college is far from overwhelming! Reading ahead, submitting assignments early, actually studying ECT.
WORK: As far as work goes, I'm only working twice a week and can do my homework at work, so it really is just a giant study seshhh for me, which is productive and good!
SCARIEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE: If you follow me on Facebook, you would know my mom was in the hospital Tuesday night. She had some really bad chest pains and took herself to the ER after work. They ended up driving her across the street in an ambulance to the hospital and keeping her over night. They thought it was a high chance she may have HAD a minor heart attack and that there would be later repercussions. Heart disease runs in my family and has always been a very tramatic experiance for us, so hearing she was in the hospital crushed me and the worst part was, I was stuck at work until 10. Luckily, Chelsey came in and just sat with me and chatted with me to keep me distracted. Anyway, Rachel, Tiffani and I stayed with her for all hours of the night, just talking and making the most of a really scary situation. In the time that we were there, she got her blood drawn every hour, at least three shots an hour and her vitals were checked every 15 minutes. My mom kept saying she was "fine and felt like she could go the gym" but with how serious and frantic the nurses were, you could tell it was a lot more serious then that. After a long night, she was tested all day the next day on muliple levels of stress and endurance, and was FINALLY released at 6PM Wednesday night. She wasnt aloud to go to work Thursday or Friday, but is able to return Monday. She was told to exercise regularly and eat Cheeroes :) It shocked me how emtional I was over her being in the hospital. She was so strong and I was so proud of her for trying to make light of the situation, but she is all I have. Loosing her would be the end of my world, so it was a definite eye opener. Our bishop came and gave her a blessing that night, as much as I am stuck and confused on the aspect of religion as of lately, anything helped, and I was really appreciative with the comfort I was given after hearing the blessing. Whatever it was, it was amazing and helped all four of us calm down. She is back to normal and was doing dishes this morning, we laid around with the dogs all morning and watched Teen Mom and a few movies on On Demand in her bed. Its mornings like today that make me realize how much she truely means to me. We made a commitment to go to the gym TOGETHER at LEAST 3 times a week (which is the usual to me as of college) but she needs all the motivation she can get and Im more then happy to do what I can to make sure she stays healthy and alive, FOREVA! :)
Random: On a happier note, I have been branching out a little here and there! Me and Chelsey attended a party this weekend at a complete strangers house, and DOMINATED in beer pong! Chelsey drank for me, and I drove, so in the end everyone was happy! You'd think it would be awkward but between me and Chelsey that doesnt exisit and we were comfortable really quick! We also attended the Alumni game at good old Northridge, we lost in overtime and I blame the WEAK SAUCE they call a student section, PSH. 2010 was where its at, case closed!
I go to UNH in TWO WEEKS! Words DO NOT express how excited I am! I can't wait to go on a trip all by MYSELF and go see Lauren!! It will be a new adventure, all in one! Woo!
THE DAILY: Im still learning to cook! Which is actually really satisfying and neat, I love it! I am attending Zumba with Tiffani at least twice a week, and going to the gym by myself at least twice a week, the front desk now has my name memorized! :) Makes me feel productive! My sisters and I have a whole new friendship now that I am in college, not that we didnt before, but it has increased lately. We hang out together non-stop, watch random shows on TV and hover over our laptops looking up stupid YouTube videos, walk the dogs and just do random things together, (Ulta runs have been the main fav lately) its really fun and Im really enjoying it, I didnt realize they were so cool.. :) Hahah jk jk.
OCTOBER: I LOVE OCTOBER!! Haunted houses up the yangggg, scary movies, carving pumkins. halloween costumes and of course, THE HOWL! Wooooo!!
LIGHTBULB: Okay, okay, specific to the BS here, just an IDEA, but its a good one :) Two weekends ago Brandon Reese rented out the Vault in Ogden for his birthday and invited EVERYONE! IT WAS SICKK! Basically, a huge dance room, with lots of people! So just an idea, if anyone is intrested in everyone pitching in and throwing us a HUGE ASS DANCE PARTY when everyone returns from college for Christmas break?? Brandon said it was pretty cheap and I could look into it if everyone is intrested, because what better way to celebrate? We could invite anyone and EVERYONE and it could be a huge success if planned accordingly :)
This is insanely long to the point I had to label everything, so thats all for now, I miss and love all of you :)
Ps, it wont let me spellcheck, so sorry for the misspelled words :)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Life as you know it :)
I have really sucked at this whole "update your blog" thing since summer. I had no idea that college would be so time consuming! But to start off all I wanna say is I LOVE WEBER STATE! People bash on it all the time and honestly, I look around when I'm on campus and wonder why? The campus itself is beautiful, all my professors have doctorate degrees and don't have student teachers, I have made a million and a half new friends and I still see people I know around that make me feel like I haven't lost all contact with the world due to most my friends moving away. I am very comfortable there and having a lot of fun!
About classes, all my professors are awesome and I'm loving all my classes! I have 5 classes on MWF, 4 on Wednesday (no math), and 3 on Fridays (no math or stress management) It is far from an overload of classes and is pretty easy to stay on top of, and seeing as all I do now a days is homework, staying on top of things is no problem! Hahah. For example, out of the three 950 math classes my professor has, I'm the furthest. (I don't have to do math until October 4th and I would still be on track with my class)
In those hour long breaks on campus, I go to the student union building and pick up some food! I usually eat with Chelsey and Ashley, Regan also (most hilarious girl I have ever met) and sometimes Clint, Kota and Nick will join us. We meet new people everyday, but those are my usual snack buddies!
As far as living at home goes, I love it. I have been learning how to cook in between study breaks and have kept my room and bathroom VERY clean because I have to be in them so frequently! I even painted my bathroom door one day while having a two hour conversation with Lauren! Hahah, I'm telling you, I'm staying productive!
My red lap top is no more. It crashed the first week into college. JUST my luck. So I had to get a quick loan and fix that ASAP, seeing as 3 out of 5 require online submissions almost daily. I decided to go big or go home and got a MacBook Pro, and let me just say, it is by FAR the most amazing investment I have yet to make! Such an amazing little guy, technically its a girl cause Lauren and I named it Leslie, and it's pink, therefore, its a girl.
I have stayed busy with work and school, I hardly have time for anything and in a lot of cases when I do have time for anything, I am way to tired to follow through with it. But I am staying sane, which is important.
My first college football game was LEGIT! There was a QUADRUPLE overtime, so the game was an hour and a half longer then normal and it was FREEZING, but still way fun! They turned off the stadium lights on accident when the game was SUPPOSED to be over, which ended out being in the middle of the third overtime. The lights being gas powered made it so we had to wait twenty minutes for them to cool down before they could come back on, so they had some fireworks for us while we waited! And then FINALLY, they started to play again. During the fourth overtime, Weber missed there chance to get a touchdown but made the 3 point field goal, meaning that all the other team had to do was make a touchdown to win, well they missed there chance and when they went to kick the ball for the field goal I swear there was so much testosterone built up that ALL of Weber's players jumped at least six feet in the air and blocked that sucker, so WE WON!! It was a crazy victory! Everyone ran the field.. It was awesome!
I have a busy week coming up here, tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm going to a festival with Alex that has all his favorite bands coming, I only know one of them but it still should be a good time to get away for a bit! Friday is Neon, I'm not sure Ill be going seeing as my dance partners are all over the country right now, but if I do, I shall let you know how it goes. Saturday is Dew Tour, which I am much looking forward to :) two words: Ryan Sheckler. :D Next Friday I get to see BRAD PAISLEY! I am SO excited for that one! And then next month is NEW HAMPSHIRE! So all in all, life is great!
To my ladies: I love and miss everyone, I wish people were a little better at communication *cough cough MANDY AND BREE cough cough* But I love and miss you all the same and even though I have to find out through blogs, it seems everyone is doing good :) December couldn't come sooner! Love love loves! Ask me if I have lost my accent? NOPE! Love you all :)
About classes, all my professors are awesome and I'm loving all my classes! I have 5 classes on MWF, 4 on Wednesday (no math), and 3 on Fridays (no math or stress management) It is far from an overload of classes and is pretty easy to stay on top of, and seeing as all I do now a days is homework, staying on top of things is no problem! Hahah. For example, out of the three 950 math classes my professor has, I'm the furthest. (I don't have to do math until October 4th and I would still be on track with my class)
In those hour long breaks on campus, I go to the student union building and pick up some food! I usually eat with Chelsey and Ashley, Regan also (most hilarious girl I have ever met) and sometimes Clint, Kota and Nick will join us. We meet new people everyday, but those are my usual snack buddies!
As far as living at home goes, I love it. I have been learning how to cook in between study breaks and have kept my room and bathroom VERY clean because I have to be in them so frequently! I even painted my bathroom door one day while having a two hour conversation with Lauren! Hahah, I'm telling you, I'm staying productive!
My red lap top is no more. It crashed the first week into college. JUST my luck. So I had to get a quick loan and fix that ASAP, seeing as 3 out of 5 require online submissions almost daily. I decided to go big or go home and got a MacBook Pro, and let me just say, it is by FAR the most amazing investment I have yet to make! Such an amazing little guy, technically its a girl cause Lauren and I named it Leslie, and it's pink, therefore, its a girl.
I have stayed busy with work and school, I hardly have time for anything and in a lot of cases when I do have time for anything, I am way to tired to follow through with it. But I am staying sane, which is important.
My first college football game was LEGIT! There was a QUADRUPLE overtime, so the game was an hour and a half longer then normal and it was FREEZING, but still way fun! They turned off the stadium lights on accident when the game was SUPPOSED to be over, which ended out being in the middle of the third overtime. The lights being gas powered made it so we had to wait twenty minutes for them to cool down before they could come back on, so they had some fireworks for us while we waited! And then FINALLY, they started to play again. During the fourth overtime, Weber missed there chance to get a touchdown but made the 3 point field goal, meaning that all the other team had to do was make a touchdown to win, well they missed there chance and when they went to kick the ball for the field goal I swear there was so much testosterone built up that ALL of Weber's players jumped at least six feet in the air and blocked that sucker, so WE WON!! It was a crazy victory! Everyone ran the field.. It was awesome!
I have a busy week coming up here, tomorrow (Wednesday) I'm going to a festival with Alex that has all his favorite bands coming, I only know one of them but it still should be a good time to get away for a bit! Friday is Neon, I'm not sure Ill be going seeing as my dance partners are all over the country right now, but if I do, I shall let you know how it goes. Saturday is Dew Tour, which I am much looking forward to :) two words: Ryan Sheckler. :D Next Friday I get to see BRAD PAISLEY! I am SO excited for that one! And then next month is NEW HAMPSHIRE! So all in all, life is great!
To my ladies: I love and miss everyone, I wish people were a little better at communication *cough cough MANDY AND BREE cough cough* But I love and miss you all the same and even though I have to find out through blogs, it seems everyone is doing good :) December couldn't come sooner! Love love loves! Ask me if I have lost my accent? NOPE! Love you all :)
Friday, August 20, 2010
Life? Slow down.
I have been dreading the last few weeks of summer for quite sometime now. Although, I can not even begin to describe how amazing this summer has been and how much it made me realize how strong me and my friends are as a group, and as individuals.
Sunday, was the first goodbye we had to say. Lauren and me have been friends since the end of sophomore year, although, if you were around us for any point in time, you'd think it was way longer. Lauren made me want to be a better person, the drive she has to succeed is almost intimidating. She is so motivated to do well in life and I know that nothing can stop this girl, not even some crazy virus she may pick up in Italy :) Just kidding, and knock on wood. Watching all the girls stomp in and out of the airport with tear-filled eyes and uneasy stomachs was so hard, watching your best friend go up the escalator looking down at all her friends and realizing it would be months till you saw her again, was even harder. Although, we did meet Trace Atkins? It lightened the mood, but didn't stop the tears. I miss Lauren so much, and it hasn't even been a week, but I know that she is having a BLAST in Italy and I am so excited to hear about all the adventures she has in New Hampshire and watch her shape into the amazing woman she will soon become.
As for the rest of the girls, Kori, leaves on saturday and Amy and Bree follow her up to Utah State Sunday. Mandy heads out sometime next week, Im not entirely sure when, but Im thinking about locking her in a closet to prevent the process. Taylor, Kayla and Britny are staying with me at Weber State, and I cant express how thankful I am that I will still have them here to distract me and keep me going. I honestly wish I could use words to describe how MUCH these girls really do mean to me, its actually quite frusterating that I cant. They are my wolfpack :) But like Mandy said, we have aquired these friendships that are SO unique and amazing, three months wont even phase the strength they have, I am convinced that through Skype (which is the coolest thing EVER), facebook, texts, phone calls (I will make the rounds daily, dont even doubt me) that staying in contact wont be a difficult process and hopefully the semester flys by fast for all of us, and before we know it, *Mexican Accent* Here we are again *End Mexican Accent*
After having two jobs all summer long I cant even tell you how WEIRD it is to have so much extra time on my hands? Although, sadly, I cant say I miss Target at ALL. I have been so much less stressed and so much easier to be around since I quit. The salon is going great, I read a book a week pretty much, but that isnt bad for my heath or anything. It will be nice when school starts and I can read ahead and stay on track with my classes, so sadly, I will switch out the Twilight series for textsbooks coming up next week.
I am excited for my life to take off as well. Even though I am "just going to Weber" it is a really fantastic university. I am excited to be a college student and persure my education! I refuse to start off on the wrong foot, so the girl who sits in the first two rows in every class, reads ahead and asks lots of questions? Yup, that'll be me. I rebelled all of highschool and it got me no where, but hardly graduating. Its time to buckle down and be serious about my education because I do plan on getting my bachlors degree, AT LEAST. Four more years of school, come to mama!
There is so much more to talk about, but another blog, another day, as for now I want all my friends to know they mean the absolute WORLD to me, and I am so excited to hear about everyones adventures!
Sunday, was the first goodbye we had to say. Lauren and me have been friends since the end of sophomore year, although, if you were around us for any point in time, you'd think it was way longer. Lauren made me want to be a better person, the drive she has to succeed is almost intimidating. She is so motivated to do well in life and I know that nothing can stop this girl, not even some crazy virus she may pick up in Italy :) Just kidding, and knock on wood. Watching all the girls stomp in and out of the airport with tear-filled eyes and uneasy stomachs was so hard, watching your best friend go up the escalator looking down at all her friends and realizing it would be months till you saw her again, was even harder. Although, we did meet Trace Atkins? It lightened the mood, but didn't stop the tears. I miss Lauren so much, and it hasn't even been a week, but I know that she is having a BLAST in Italy and I am so excited to hear about all the adventures she has in New Hampshire and watch her shape into the amazing woman she will soon become.
As for the rest of the girls, Kori, leaves on saturday and Amy and Bree follow her up to Utah State Sunday. Mandy heads out sometime next week, Im not entirely sure when, but Im thinking about locking her in a closet to prevent the process. Taylor, Kayla and Britny are staying with me at Weber State, and I cant express how thankful I am that I will still have them here to distract me and keep me going. I honestly wish I could use words to describe how MUCH these girls really do mean to me, its actually quite frusterating that I cant. They are my wolfpack :) But like Mandy said, we have aquired these friendships that are SO unique and amazing, three months wont even phase the strength they have, I am convinced that through Skype (which is the coolest thing EVER), facebook, texts, phone calls (I will make the rounds daily, dont even doubt me) that staying in contact wont be a difficult process and hopefully the semester flys by fast for all of us, and before we know it, *Mexican Accent* Here we are again *End Mexican Accent*
After having two jobs all summer long I cant even tell you how WEIRD it is to have so much extra time on my hands? Although, sadly, I cant say I miss Target at ALL. I have been so much less stressed and so much easier to be around since I quit. The salon is going great, I read a book a week pretty much, but that isnt bad for my heath or anything. It will be nice when school starts and I can read ahead and stay on track with my classes, so sadly, I will switch out the Twilight series for textsbooks coming up next week.
I am excited for my life to take off as well. Even though I am "just going to Weber" it is a really fantastic university. I am excited to be a college student and persure my education! I refuse to start off on the wrong foot, so the girl who sits in the first two rows in every class, reads ahead and asks lots of questions? Yup, that'll be me. I rebelled all of highschool and it got me no where, but hardly graduating. Its time to buckle down and be serious about my education because I do plan on getting my bachlors degree, AT LEAST. Four more years of school, come to mama!
There is so much more to talk about, but another blog, another day, as for now I want all my friends to know they mean the absolute WORLD to me, and I am so excited to hear about everyones adventures!
"Through all the lies, the sad goodbyes,
The things we hide, the tears we've cried.
Through the odds and ends, we've been friends.
Though times have past, the memories last,
Remember, we will be friends forever!"
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My life, my message.
Yesterday, I got my second tattoo. Only having it one day, a lot of people are asking me what the significance of it is, what does it mean to me? My mom is convinced a form of rebelling, that it's something witty to put on my body. NO, that would be wrong.
I didn't and still don't have the worlds greatest dad, which has been a constant struggle on me since I was born. I had to grow up a lot faster then most kids did. I had a job at fourteen and still have yet to go without one since the day I got that first job. I knew then if I wanted something, I needed to work for it. My child hood wasn't an easy one by any means, it was hard to get by and my grandparents helped out SO much with everything. Going through 3 divorces between the ages of 6 and 11 is not the typical child hood. I remember wishing MY dad would just come back, so I didn't have to put up with these Bozos and all their million kids.
Now that I am 18 years old and am well aware of the person my dad is, I'm glad he never came back. No, I do not hate him. He doesn't do anything good for me nor my mom, so it is good he got lost when he did and let just HER raise me. Making it work with him is nearly impossible and my patience is thin and wearing fast.
My life, my message. No matter WHAT happens in my life, I will learn from it, I will voice my opinion and not be afraid to show people who I am. You have choices in life, you can learn for what God has given you, or sulk and be upset. My whole childhood I refused to be upset with anyone for not having a Dad. I was a strong little girl, I just knew in the end everything was going to be okay. It got to me at times, but for the most part, I kept that attitude. No matter what happens, who I loose, who I gain, I always want to have a positive outlook on what is placed in front of me. I refuse to bring a bad "message" to the table.
The tattoo hits me hard as an individual, and it has many different meanings to me. People may think its stupid or immature, I don't care, it means something to me, it represents something in MY life, I have OVERCOME something huge, something that I have struggled with my entire life, and I put it somewhere I will see it everyday and remember the strength I had and will still need for my future, I'm sure it will have its ups and downs as well.
I love it, and that's all that really maters to me.
I didn't and still don't have the worlds greatest dad, which has been a constant struggle on me since I was born. I had to grow up a lot faster then most kids did. I had a job at fourteen and still have yet to go without one since the day I got that first job. I knew then if I wanted something, I needed to work for it. My child hood wasn't an easy one by any means, it was hard to get by and my grandparents helped out SO much with everything. Going through 3 divorces between the ages of 6 and 11 is not the typical child hood. I remember wishing MY dad would just come back, so I didn't have to put up with these Bozos and all their million kids.
Now that I am 18 years old and am well aware of the person my dad is, I'm glad he never came back. No, I do not hate him. He doesn't do anything good for me nor my mom, so it is good he got lost when he did and let just HER raise me. Making it work with him is nearly impossible and my patience is thin and wearing fast.
My life, my message. No matter WHAT happens in my life, I will learn from it, I will voice my opinion and not be afraid to show people who I am. You have choices in life, you can learn for what God has given you, or sulk and be upset. My whole childhood I refused to be upset with anyone for not having a Dad. I was a strong little girl, I just knew in the end everything was going to be okay. It got to me at times, but for the most part, I kept that attitude. No matter what happens, who I loose, who I gain, I always want to have a positive outlook on what is placed in front of me. I refuse to bring a bad "message" to the table.
The tattoo hits me hard as an individual, and it has many different meanings to me. People may think its stupid or immature, I don't care, it means something to me, it represents something in MY life, I have OVERCOME something huge, something that I have struggled with my entire life, and I put it somewhere I will see it everyday and remember the strength I had and will still need for my future, I'm sure it will have its ups and downs as well.
I love it, and that's all that really maters to me.
"God places the heaviest burdens on only those who can carry the weight"
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Stronger.
I lay in bed last night with one of my best friends for hours discussing the stupid amount of control I give the male gender over my emotions. I really needed a wake up call, I needed to see things from another perpective, and I did.
Realizing you have a relationship with someone that is no longer healthy and doesn't benifit you in any way, shape or form has been something I have swept under the rug all summer. I just tried to pretend it didn't matter and I was happy. I am happy, and have had such an amazing summer, but it is now catching up to me.
Strength is something I do not have, phyiscally (gym buddies are well aware) and emtionally. My feelings get the best of me 99.9% of the time. Instances like last night where I learned something that really, really hurt me made me realize I do not need to give anyone a chunk of my emotions to play with and possibly crumble if given the oppertunity.
I need to find strength within myself and do what is best for ME, no matter what anyone else thinks. I know what I need to do, just the act of doing it is slowing me down. I'll get there.
Realizing you have a relationship with someone that is no longer healthy and doesn't benifit you in any way, shape or form has been something I have swept under the rug all summer. I just tried to pretend it didn't matter and I was happy. I am happy, and have had such an amazing summer, but it is now catching up to me.
Strength is something I do not have, phyiscally (gym buddies are well aware) and emtionally. My feelings get the best of me 99.9% of the time. Instances like last night where I learned something that really, really hurt me made me realize I do not need to give anyone a chunk of my emotions to play with and possibly crumble if given the oppertunity.
I need to find strength within myself and do what is best for ME, no matter what anyone else thinks. I know what I need to do, just the act of doing it is slowing me down. I'll get there.
"Eventually, everyone is going to hurt you, you just need to find the ones worth the pain."
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Today, has been one of those days, where I look around and embrace all that I truly take for granted. Maybe I drive an old, beat up car, maybe I don’t live in a enormous house over looking all of Utah, maybe I don’t have a father figure or a functional normal American family and maybe I don’t get all that I want right when I want it, BUT you have to look at it all from the other side of the lake. At least I have a car to get me to the places I need and want to be so I can see who I want and make endless memories with the most amazing friends I surround myself with, my house may be a crazy heap of animals and laundry but that doesn't mean I don’t have the most wondrous family and memories from the time I was five until now to fill in those walls with me, I don’t have a great, dependable Dad, but I have the worlds most INCREDIBLE Mom to make up for ANYTHING he has ever done to hurt me. My mom is my role model; I have never met someone as courageous and giving as her.
When I was a little girl, my favorite book was "The giving tree" and I remember when I would read it, I always thought that the giving tree was exactly like my mom. From the time I was little, I knew no matter what it would cost her, and she would do anything for her girls. She really has done anything and everything for me and there are definitely days I take way to much out on her, say things I don’t mean and don’t show her NEAR the respect she deserves, but not only is she GIVING, she is forGIVING. She honestly is the best thing in my life and when I need someone at 3 in the morning when something stupid has happened and I just need to cry, or talk, I take two steps down the hall, knock on the door and know exactly who I can depend on. Not only is she my mom, but she is my best friend, and no one will ever comprehend or come close to the relationship we share.
As for everything else, I look around me and think "Where the heck has my summer gone?", this summer tops any other summer I have yet to encounter. Which has honestly caught me by major surprise seeing as I have lost people in my life due to graduation, people I know I'll never see or hear from again and one in particular person I thought I never would loose, ever. But I’m not sad? I have spent this whole summer doing exactly what I want to do, no one tells me when and where to be. I couldn’t have asked for anything better to start off my summer then an amazing, unforgettable senior trip. To this day, that week is the highlight of my life. 7 days surrounded by your best friends. It was remarkable. People tell me all the time "Your senior trip looked so fun!" Yeah, a picture says a thousand words right? Wrong, those pictures do not COME CLOSE to representing what fun we had and half of the trip? Not even documented.
I have realized recently how much of an impact having a positive attitude can completely CHANGE your life, because this summer could of gone two ways, up or down, I chose up and I seriously am convinced that I have never been happier then I have been recently and all of it has been due to my outlook on life and the happiness I no longer crave, but made exist everyday, in my life.
I need to remember this when the middle of August hits me smack in the face, when half of me is shipped off to Italy, then to college. No, I myself am going no where, but my best friend is. Then a week later go Mandy, Kori, Bree and Amy. These girls are girls I have been with for years, and now that we are all going are separate ways and crossing our fingers that things don’t change, we need to realize it isn't life that’s going to separate us, yeah we will be hours or states away, but with the right attitude and the right amount of effort, things don’t HAVE to change.
"The future depends on what you do in the present" - Gandhi
When I was a little girl, my favorite book was "The giving tree" and I remember when I would read it, I always thought that the giving tree was exactly like my mom. From the time I was little, I knew no matter what it would cost her, and she would do anything for her girls. She really has done anything and everything for me and there are definitely days I take way to much out on her, say things I don’t mean and don’t show her NEAR the respect she deserves, but not only is she GIVING, she is forGIVING. She honestly is the best thing in my life and when I need someone at 3 in the morning when something stupid has happened and I just need to cry, or talk, I take two steps down the hall, knock on the door and know exactly who I can depend on. Not only is she my mom, but she is my best friend, and no one will ever comprehend or come close to the relationship we share.
As for everything else, I look around me and think "Where the heck has my summer gone?", this summer tops any other summer I have yet to encounter. Which has honestly caught me by major surprise seeing as I have lost people in my life due to graduation, people I know I'll never see or hear from again and one in particular person I thought I never would loose, ever. But I’m not sad? I have spent this whole summer doing exactly what I want to do, no one tells me when and where to be. I couldn’t have asked for anything better to start off my summer then an amazing, unforgettable senior trip. To this day, that week is the highlight of my life. 7 days surrounded by your best friends. It was remarkable. People tell me all the time "Your senior trip looked so fun!" Yeah, a picture says a thousand words right? Wrong, those pictures do not COME CLOSE to representing what fun we had and half of the trip? Not even documented.
I have realized recently how much of an impact having a positive attitude can completely CHANGE your life, because this summer could of gone two ways, up or down, I chose up and I seriously am convinced that I have never been happier then I have been recently and all of it has been due to my outlook on life and the happiness I no longer crave, but made exist everyday, in my life.
I need to remember this when the middle of August hits me smack in the face, when half of me is shipped off to Italy, then to college. No, I myself am going no where, but my best friend is. Then a week later go Mandy, Kori, Bree and Amy. These girls are girls I have been with for years, and now that we are all going are separate ways and crossing our fingers that things don’t change, we need to realize it isn't life that’s going to separate us, yeah we will be hours or states away, but with the right attitude and the right amount of effort, things don’t HAVE to change.
"The future depends on what you do in the present" - Gandhi
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Okay my dears, this is my first blog.
Uhm, everyone is talking about their summer, pretty much I'm not doing much with mine! Hahah.
I live at Roy Aquatic, Darker Image and Target :) Im having a grand summer. Fav so far fo sho.
Im missing everyone! We all need to get together and have BS night for sure!
Im staying pretty busy between both jobs, but Im getting lots of mula which is always nice.
RANDOM STORY: My mom lost one of her turtles in the back yard last night, (Im convinced she loves them more then me) we looked for two hours and couldn't find it, she locked herself in her room and cried, (point proven) an hour after it had made its little self to the pavement where we found it.
Uhm, other then that we have had Rachelle over a lot, she got a job at West Point Jr High and has been looking for a place down here, she found a house of four other roomates in our neighborhood that are all twenty year old woman and all teachers! So she is moving in there, and then she'll be in our ward and such, it'll be awesome!
Tiffani and Kenneth are out camping in the wilderness with his parents for the week, image bathroom breaks, YUCK!
Rachel is loving her day care job, her and cardizzle are no more.
That is my life, hahah rather boring, SO LETS ALL PLAY!
Uhm, everyone is talking about their summer, pretty much I'm not doing much with mine! Hahah.
I live at Roy Aquatic, Darker Image and Target :) Im having a grand summer. Fav so far fo sho.
Im missing everyone! We all need to get together and have BS night for sure!
Im staying pretty busy between both jobs, but Im getting lots of mula which is always nice.
RANDOM STORY: My mom lost one of her turtles in the back yard last night, (Im convinced she loves them more then me) we looked for two hours and couldn't find it, she locked herself in her room and cried, (point proven) an hour after it had made its little self to the pavement where we found it.
Uhm, other then that we have had Rachelle over a lot, she got a job at West Point Jr High and has been looking for a place down here, she found a house of four other roomates in our neighborhood that are all twenty year old woman and all teachers! So she is moving in there, and then she'll be in our ward and such, it'll be awesome!
Tiffani and Kenneth are out camping in the wilderness with his parents for the week, image bathroom breaks, YUCK!
Rachel is loving her day care job, her and cardizzle are no more.
That is my life, hahah rather boring, SO LETS ALL PLAY!
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