Stronger.

I lay in bed last night with one of my best friends for hours discussing the stupid amount of control I give the male gender over my emotions. I really needed a wake up call, I needed to see things from another perpective, and I did.

Realizing you have a relationship with someone that is no longer healthy and doesn't benifit you in any way, shape or form has been something I have swept under the rug all summer. I just tried to pretend it didn't matter and I was happy. I am happy, and have had such an amazing summer, but it is now catching up to me.

Strength is something I do not have, phyiscally (gym buddies are well aware) and emtionally. My feelings get the best of me 99.9% of the time. Instances like last night where I learned something that really, really hurt me made me realize I do not need to give anyone a chunk of my emotions to play with and possibly crumble if given the oppertunity.

I need to find strength within myself and do what is best for ME, no matter what anyone else thinks. I know what I need to do, just the act of doing it is slowing me down. I'll get there.

"Eventually, everyone is going to hurt you, you just need to find the ones worth the pain."

Today, has been one of those days, where I look around and embrace all that I truly take for granted. Maybe I drive an old, beat up car, maybe I don’t live in a enormous house over looking all of Utah, maybe I don’t have a father figure or a functional normal American family and maybe I don’t get all that I want right when I want it, BUT you have to look at it all from the other side of the lake. At least I have a car to get me to the places I need and want to be so I can see who I want and make endless memories with the most amazing friends I surround myself with, my house may be a crazy heap of animals and laundry but that doesn't mean I don’t have the most wondrous family and memories from the time I was five until now to fill in those walls with me, I don’t have a great, dependable Dad, but I have the worlds most INCREDIBLE Mom to make up for ANYTHING he has ever done to hurt me. My mom is my role model; I have never met someone as courageous and giving as her.

When I was a little girl, my favorite book was "The giving tree" and I remember when I would read it, I always thought that the giving tree was exactly like my mom. From the time I was little, I knew no matter what it would cost her, and she would do anything for her girls. She really has done anything and everything for me and there are definitely days I take way to much out on her, say things I don’t mean and don’t show her NEAR the respect she deserves, but not only is she GIVING, she is forGIVING. She honestly is the best thing in my life and when I need someone at 3 in the morning when something stupid has happened and I just need to cry, or talk, I take two steps down the hall, knock on the door and know exactly who I can depend on. Not only is she my mom, but she is my best friend, and no one will ever comprehend or come close to the relationship we share.

As for everything else, I look around me and think "Where the heck has my summer gone?", this summer tops any other summer I have yet to encounter. Which has honestly caught me by major surprise seeing as I have lost people in my life due to graduation, people I know I'll never see or hear from again and one in particular person I thought I never would loose, ever. But I’m not sad? I have spent this whole summer doing exactly what I want to do, no one tells me when and where to be. I couldn’t have asked for anything better to start off my summer then an amazing, unforgettable senior trip. To this day, that week is the highlight of my life. 7 days surrounded by your best friends. It was remarkable. People tell me all the time "Your senior trip looked so fun!" Yeah, a picture says a thousand words right? Wrong, those pictures do not COME CLOSE to representing what fun we had and half of the trip? Not even documented.

I have realized recently how much of an impact having a positive attitude can completely CHANGE your life, because this summer could of gone two ways, up or down, I chose up and I seriously am convinced that I have never been happier then I have been recently and all of it has been due to my outlook on life and the happiness I no longer crave, but made exist everyday, in my life.

I need to remember this when the middle of August hits me smack in the face, when half of me is shipped off to Italy, then to college. No, I myself am going no where, but my best friend is. Then a week later go Mandy, Kori, Bree and Amy. These girls are girls I have been with for years, and now that we are all going are separate ways and crossing our fingers that things don’t change, we need to realize it isn't life that’s going to separate us, yeah we will be hours or states away, but with the right attitude and the right amount of effort, things don’t HAVE to change.

"The future depends on what you do in the present" - Gandhi

Okay my dears, this is my first blog.

Uhm, everyone is talking about their summer, pretty much I'm not doing much with mine! Hahah.

I live at Roy Aquatic, Darker Image and Target :) Im having a grand summer. Fav so far fo sho.

Im missing everyone! We all need to get together and have BS night for sure!

Im staying pretty busy between both jobs, but Im getting lots of mula which is always nice.

RANDOM STORY: My mom lost one of her turtles in the back yard last night, (Im convinced she loves them more then me) we looked for two hours and couldn't find it, she locked herself in her room and cried, (point proven) an hour after it had made its little self to the pavement where we found it.

Uhm, other then that we have had Rachelle over a lot, she got a job at West Point Jr High and has been looking for a place down here, she found a house of four other roomates in our neighborhood that are all twenty year old woman and all teachers! So she is moving in there, and then she'll be in our ward and such, it'll be awesome!

Tiffani and Kenneth are out camping in the wilderness with his parents for the week, image bathroom breaks, YUCK!

Rachel is loving her day care job, her and cardizzle are no more.

That is my life, hahah rather boring, SO LETS ALL PLAY!

Ladies!! :) I have no idea how this works.. :)