I don't even know how to begin this blog, (I guess that was a really lame way) BUT I want to start off by saying I'm happy and confident in the decision that I made.
Do I hate him? Absolutely not. There are things about him that will always have my heart, pieces of him I will miss forever and parts of him I will always love. What it all comes down to in the end is, people change. When the bad outweighs the good, it is important to get rid of it. I have spent the last year trying to get back to a point in our relationship we had both grown out of. Arguing all the time and going days without talking for the sake of not risking an argument is ridiculous, and that was a sign something was seriously wrong with out relationship. I lived my life around his schedule. Not that he asked me to, he would never, regardless, I did. It was important to me to see him frequently, even if we fought. I wasn't happy arguing constantly, his friends didn't like me, mine didn't like him, things came up, school got in the way and it was nearly impossible to make everything work out. I knew it was going to be hard when I made the choice I did, I knew the consequences I was going to have to deal with because this isn't the first time it has happened, although this is the first time it was for real.
I am forcing myself to have a positive outlook on the entire situation, a learning experience. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I learned a lot about myself while in a long term relationship. I learned things that I like about a guy, things I could live without, things that I wouldn't take for granted and things that just do not fly with me. So in the future I have some sort of idea of what I am looking for.
Our relationship wasn't all bad, AT ALL. I wouldn't of stayed around for so long had it been. I don't have negative feelings toward him or the amazing relationship we shared. I honestly hope that he finds happiness soon and finds a girl who can fit his glove a lot better then I did. I want him to be happy, I want to be happy, and I love him enough that if we have to be separated in order for that to happen, then it is needed.
He wasn't just a boyfriend, he was a best friend. I think that is the hardest part of the process. I cant pick up my phone and call him when I see something funny, find something that reminds me of him or have a question only he would know the answer too. Time heals all wounds, and I know it will all be okay in the end. The first night is always brutal, but as time goes on, it will get easier, I know that.
I get to fall in love all over again! I get to date, see what is out there, explore the world with no limits, take off to VEGAS if I want too. I'm free to do what I want to do. My biggest hope is I can learn to love myself, and be happy and content with just myself. When I reach that point, I'll know I'm ready to get back out there. Although starting over with someone new is a terrifying thought, when I'm ready, it will be wondrous. I need to keep my eyes on the future, and not focus on the past. Everyday is something beautiful and is full of opportunity, I need to learn to grasp those and take advantage of them.
XoXo.
"Your ALAWAYS to young to think it will NEVER be okay."
